Ahhh! Much Better.

Well, I went out for my coffee this morning and the weather is completely different. Now it's foggy and a bit chilly and there is NO humidity to speak of. It's like God heard me whining and decided to reward me for being a baby. That's my kind of higher power. A coddling, indulgent Lord who doesn't try to tell me what to do all the time. Kind of the opposite of your parenting approach, Jim.
That's right! I said it! I'm really in your face now because I live in New York!

So, Page and I went shopping at the Macy's on Herald Square yesterday and guess what they have there? (Besides an atmosphere comprised of 10% oxygen and 90% perfume sample spray mist.)

Ever been to an escalator fire?

WOODEN ESCALATORS! Can you believe your eyes?
It was like going on a very steeply sloped hayride with no hay. And with Estee Lauder's White Linen in my mouth.

The most insane Russian woman waited on me in the shoe department. I was looking at flip-flops (because of the humidity-don't make me say it again) and she grabbed this pair off the shelf and pushed them at me. "Your size. Last pair. Go try them on." This shoe looked like someone had worn it all summer, then dropped it off at Macy's as a donation. I tried to put it back, but she wouldn't let me. Her argument was that it hadn't been worn, just tried on. I had to make very stern eye contact with her (which was hard because she had frosty blue eyeshadow ALL AROUND her eyes like a gorgeous raccoon) and say, "But I don't want to." She just threw a hand up and walked away, like Laura would. I almost yelled, "Get out of my room!" after her, out of habit.

Then we had lunch at some french bistro-type place and they had Nutella milkshakes.

Hardly any carbs.

I really don't want to be fat, but it seems like New York wants me to be. The food here is so very good. They're not messing around in that department. Or in any department, as far as I can tell.


We saw these guys on the walk home.

This must not be a NO STAPLE GUNNING ANYTIME zone.

In this city, you can get a job covering ply-board with branches. I find that very encouraging. I'm really not sure what's going on here. This man could be the most famous topiary artist on the east coast. Or he's building sets for the new Broadway musical, The Shining! Or maybe David Letterman gets a fresh hedge wall put in his office every morning and this is his florist. Anything is possible here, Dad.