My eyes!

It’s the second show day of our first week of shows and I gotta say, I show am tired! (I love that joke.)

We taped on Tuesday and although it all went great, I’m pretty sure I’m not legally allowed to talk about the details in this public setting. Let’s just agree to not discuss it at Thanksgiving (wink wink).

After the Tuesday show, we went to a VERY fancy restaurant (name withheld for legal reasons) and fittingly, they had the fanciest butter I’ve ever seen. 

Like buttah...

When the waitress put the bread basket down, she started explaining how there were four different types of butter and how each bread went with a different one, blah blah blah.

I wasn’t paying attention because it was 11 o’clock at night and my eyes were burning and I could barely read the menu. When I was able to make out a word, it was either Italian or one of those fancy restaurant words I’ve never seen before, which made my attempt at ordering to sound something like this:

“Could I ask, what is machantato?”

“That’s a beef stock lightly blended with Wondra and drizzled over the meat.”

“So, it’s gravy?

“Well…technically yes.”

“All right. And what is supsinteri?”

“That’s codfish with some parsley next to it.”

“Can you come back to me? I’ve lost the will to live.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

I ended up getting a tootsie-roll shaped pasta with gorgonzola inside. It tasted like something only people who live in castles eat. Rich like you wouldn’t believe. It was delicious, but delicious in the way that eating frosting out of the can is delicious. A little goes a long way.

I started with a salad that looked like a handful of something you’d feed a goat. Weeds and clover and dandelions and lawn trimmings, topped off with just a drizzle of balsamic to help you choke it down. I decided I’d man up and eat everything that wasn’t spiky or thistled. You know, make the best of it. After about three bites, I had to stop. It was like someone had walked through a field, spilled their salad dressing and didn’t want to waste it. I realized it wasn’t my problem and the butter lady came and took it away.

The desserts seemed nice, but at that point, my eyes were closing up shop and I knew I only had about seven more minutes before I went face down in the profiterole. 
The good news is, we're going there again after the show tonight, so I'll have another chance to get it right.
(EDITOR'S NOTE: I don't know why the text gets all big like this sometimes. It's not intentional. It's actually kind of embarrassing.)